Peanut Butter Reboot

(Picture http://www.hdwallpapersimages.com/new-year-2014-gifts/16984/)

re·boot

 [v. ree-boot; n. ree-boot, ree-boot] Computers.

verb (used with object)

1.

to restart (a computer) by loading the operating system; boot again.

verb (used without object)

2.

(of a computer) to be restarted.

noun

3.

an act or instance of restarting a computer.

While the act of rebooting is clearly an IT term, in this little blog, it means a fresh start. I started off last year with big plans, but somewhere between January and December, I found that keeping up with a blog is so very difficult and time consuming. See, I tried to start out as some sort of thousand reader blog, when in reality, My mom and my husband read my blog. And only when I remember to tell them I have written something. 

I have taken the last year to really read up on how to run an effective blog and how to write and how to network and what to do and defiantly the thousands of others posts on what NOT to do, and so on. It has always been my intention, however, to be authentic. I really don't want to be yet another homeschool/crafting/mommy blog. Those are needed and great and have created their niche market without my adding to it. I want to blog about our daily happenings and possibly our silliness and occasionally our messiness. I want a running, year long, single view of our little family, and if no one ever reads these words but my mother and husband and myself, well that's just fine. One day, when my children are grown, I'd love to pull up this little nothing blog and show my them my words when I had things on my heart that needed to be said but I couldn't get passed my lips. I want them to read the words and hear my voice, see my struggles, read about times when I was unsure. I want them to read about what I thought when events happened in our small little lives.

It really boils down to the fact, that I am there for these two kiddos. I am present for homeschool lessons and park days. I encourage, instruct, direct and discipline. But my children don't get to hear my inner dialog of self doubt when letting them fly. They don't get to share in the personal journey of being their mother, just the security of their mother loving them. I want them to one day read these words and think "I remember that but to hear my mom's thoughts puts a perspective on it I didn't understand until now." 

When I was a child, I was playing in mother's makeup and putting on her clothes and I found her diary from when she was a teenager. I remember reading the words she had written before I was even thought of and feeling the same things as her. I was 14 at the time and trying desperately to fit in and find my voice. I read her words and there was a comfort to them. A sort of written confirmation that the amazing women who was raising me, was once unsure of herself, just like me. I read about a girl who had crushes and who lacked self esteem, just like me.  I read about a girl who wanted to be something before she had become something. 

It was awe-inspiring. 

It was chilling.

It was amazing.

To read her words, felt to me, that I had stepped into a world so like my own yet still different. It helped me realize that my mother was once a little struggling girl. It was the moment it sank in that she was ever my age, since before that, I had convinced myself she was born a women in a business suit who worked hard. It was the best book I had ever read. It was her words, her thoughts, her struggles that made mine seem similar. 

And I want that for my children.

I want them to read this blog and hear me, hear my words. 

I am not a big "New Year's Resolution" person. I am kinda lazy in that regard, as I think about making a list but never actually get around to putting the list to paper. This year is different. This year, I have had some time to really look at what I want to reboot in 2014. Through prayer and meditation, I come to realize that 4 areas of my life can be improved upon. These areas aren't broken or downtrodden, but as in all things, we can't be stagnant when it comes to ourselves. Continuously moving forward, ever evolving, changing, bettering ourselves is what keeps us fresh and alive. A New Year is full with so many opportunities to be a little bit better. For us to change things and reboot others. This year the 4 areas of rebooting are, in no particular order:

Family (being more present, more active, more involved with both my children and my husband)

Spiritual (drawing closer to God as a women, married couple, and family)

Health (Not only eating right and exercising but taking time to be still and meditate)

Education (learning, discovering, reading and building on my own knowledge base)

I'm praying that this blog helps to keep me accountable when it comes to these four areas. In the coming days and after the first of the year, I will be putting up links with these to help those who want to read (mom and Big B, this means you) to get to the blog posts faster. 

I also am praying that my voice in the blogsphere is authentic and uniquely my own. 

Happy New Year and welcome to the Reboot

Mama Jelly  

Just a little Sign, Please



 

When he signs "Love you" it's always to his sister, but this morning, it was to me, mom. My heart melted even if he did sign "Love you" while I'm changing a diaper.

 

 

When that perfect little bundle is handed to you and you stare down at those little eyes, that little nose, it doesn't matter who you are because suddenly that child in your arms is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. To a mom, it doesn't matter if your little one is a boy, a girl, has Down Syndrome, is born with extra toes, born with sight problems, or is missing a limb. That child, resting in your arms is the most beautiful baby that has ever been born at that moment. Period. And you will protect, fight and love that baby with every thing inside you.

 

To most moms, especially NICU moms, that moment you lock them in the car seat to go home is the most joyous. You are now on your own after weeks or months in the NICU, to love and live with this tiny bundle entrusted to you. My Facebook post on the day we brought Bryce home after spending time in the NICU was:

 

"Ready......Set......GOOOOOOO!!! Here we go, all 4 of us are finally all together. Car seat locked in and off we go. Home."

 

From the time I was 17 weeks until Little B came at 34.2weeks, I fought to keep him in. I was on bed rest because of my high blood pressure and because Little B had tried to come as early as 21 weeks. I would lay around all day with a 4 year old active Miss A and try just to keep from having contractions. I remember one night, rushing the 25 minutes to the hospital, tears streaming down my face, praying to God "Please please not now!" I was having such strong contractions that I couldn't stand up, I couldn't breathe and they were coming every 2minutes. I was wheeled up to Labor and Delivery and when I saw the tiny NICU incubator and the 2 NICU nurses, I lost it. I was only 29 weeks, no this couldn't be happening. Thank goodness the doctor's controlled my labor and, after a 3 day stay on the L&D floor with meds pumping in my system, my contractions finally stopped. It would be 4 times total that I would be admitted and kept in L&D until finally, at 36 weeks, I was too far dilated to stop the labor safely. Little B was born with a hole in his lung called a Pneumothorax which caused his lungs to not inflate and my little man to struggle to breathe. After a CODE BLUE (where B stopped breathing altogether) and several very scary set backs, we were released from the NICU. We brought him into the doctor's office at 6weeks and had his hearing checked again, since he had failed both hearing tests in the NICU. He failed the one in the office as well. We were told he was very little and many times a NICU baby will fail a hearing test until they reach their gestational age. He would fail his hearing tests once more.

 

At 11months, thinking he had an ear infection, I took him into the office for a check up. He didn't have an ear infection, but the doctor noticed his ear canal was misshaped. He sent us home with instructions to see a specialist. The specialist would tell us that Little B was born with an "Organic Malformation" of his Ear drum and Ear canal. This means that when B was in utero, his ears didn't form right. We were told that he was deaf, that he would never talk. Big B and I were devastated. This was May of 2012.

 

How could we have a child who was deaf? How could that be? This wasn't in the plans. We had gotten pregnant with B without fertility drugs, without a doctor's help. that was a miracle since we were told we would not conceive without help and up until Little B, we hadn't. Then we dedicated Little B one year after we were told we would not conceive with IVF, to the month. Surely that was a sign, right? B was born is such a dramatic fashion, but he has never had breathing issues since, didn't need surgery and the hole closed so completely that the X-Ray Tech and the NICU doctor both had to make sure it was there to begin with. Surely that was God saying "I've got this Sticky Family". That HAD to be a sign, right? Deaf? Our baby boy was deaf? D-E-A-F! No, no NO...... clearly that had to be a mistake.

 

It wasn't. We spent the entire summer of 2012 talking to audiologists and speech therapists. We started getting services from Easter Seals and went to group play therapy. Our little man couldn't hear. As much as I would have liked to say " we took it all in stride" we didn't. Big B denied it because this was his little boy. I told only a handful of people because, right or wrong, I felt guilty for not being able to keep him in until the full 40 weeks. This was my fault, I just knew it. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't anyones fault.

 

By the time August came around I had absorbed myself in self pity long enough. I made one post on my Facebook page, telling all of our friends and family the news:

 

"After feeling sorry for myself for 3 months, I am finally done. Little B is deaf in his left ear and HOH in his right. We may have a child who can not hear, but his smile can light up a room."

 

The out poring of love from our family and friends was amazing. We had people getting us in contact with mother's here in our little part of Texas who were deaf or had hearing impaired kids. We had people who I knew had hearing problems calling and talking to us. I became closer to a women I know, who I now consider my "sounding board and helpful hints" in the deaf community. (Thank you Kimberly!!!) We had this amazing support system and we finally felt it okay to say the words "Special needs" without crying or feeling a choking since of anxiety.

 

It is now January 2013 and we have had so many amazing signs that our Little B is a true miracle. First is, we were told he was missing a a bone is his left ear. We had two scans confirming the missing bone, but after he was prayed for, the next scan showed a very underdeveloped hammer (the bone he was missing). The next came in speech. For months, Little B had made no oral sounds to try and speak, but more recently, he has made great strides. He now waves and says "I". He understands some simple commands and can sign up to 20 different signs. He is truly amazing, and we are no longer afraid to tell the world about our little boy.

 

Still, with all this wonderful strides he is making, I still worry. You see, this week is the week he gets his hearing aids. This week is the week we go and get those outward signs that says "something is wrong" to the world. As a logical person, I know that is really is needed and helpful and important, but as a mom.......... As a mom I am scared. Will people stare? Will they say something rude? Will they judge him? or worse feel sorry for him? Will kids make fun of him when he is a little older? Will he fit in? I'm scared. I'm nervous.

 

I know that once the aids go in, his speech will improve. I long to hear him say "Mom" just once. I will cry the day he does because I have waited so very long for him to say anything, but that word "mom"...... that is my dearest word. I can't wait to watch his face when has hears his sister's voice or when he hears music. I understand these aids are important, I get it. I'm just nervous. No parent wants their kid to be "different" even though each child brings with them a difference that is profound and all their own. Once he puts on the hearing aids, the world will know that he can not hear correctly without them. It's normal to feel apprehensive. It's okay to have these feelings. It's okay to feel unsure about the future. It's normal. Every mom or deaf person I have talked to has had these feelings or something similar, so I understand it's okay. I know that our little community of family and friends who love us will accept Little B no matter what he looks like, But the world can be cruel sometimes and I worry. 

 

He is my Little B, my little miracle, my little man. He is my child and I will fight and protect and love him. I will change him and tear up when he signs "Love You" and rejoice when he dances with his special headphones on made for HOH people. I love him because he is my baby. I thank God everyday for giving me him.

 

But I worry.

 

Mama Jelly 

 

 

 

Oragnization in the mist of paper confetti

Today I have a helper who is eager to learn all about organization. Okay, the truth is, if I get out my computer, Little B gets out his and then signs for me to "sit". He likes to work alongside mommy, but working is hard, so a snack is always needed.

 

 

Yesterday I sat down 4 times to write a blog post about organization and my quest to have a better organized home by the end of 2013. Each time I sat down, inevitably one or the other child would need something. At one point, I was doing the chores list I printed out. I was going along, checking off things and feeling accomplished. I was one proud peacock, until I turned the corner and saw that both kids had found the one confetti stick from New Year's Celebration at the Children's museum. For whatever reason I had put one of the confetti sticks, still full, into the diaper bag and carried it home. I'll stop here and mention that it never fails, my diaper bag is a variable "Mary Poppins" carpet bag. I promise, sometimes I pull out lamps and mirrors from the very bottom...... maybe even a potted plant or two.

 

I digress. One of the kids, the youngest dirtiest one, found this stick and was shaking it. A few pieces of tissue paper confetti came out. This prompted the other one, the larger less dirty one, to grab the stick and shake it hard. There was a loud POP and BAM! Confetti everywhere. Both kids thought this was a perfect way to spend a few minutes and proceeded to throw the confetti around. I, however, looked on my carefully thought out chores list for "clean up confetti", sadly it was on there. I think the original author is missing out on not cleaning up confetti. It wasn't until last night, when I, at 2:30am finally crawled into bed, found more confetti on my side of the bed. Apparently the stairs were not enough to contain this awesomeness, and one of the kids felt the need to stuff our covers with it. It was like a party happened in our bed and I was the last to arrive. Sigh.....

 

Anyway, what's the point of today's post? Organization? Oh yes, that's right. I was on my favorite site PINTEREST!!!! Pinterest oh how I heart thee.

 

I'm on Pinterest in preparation for my organizational trip this year. I stumbled across a few "Home Management" binders with free printables and great ideas. I started thinking "why yes, I do believe I can put together a home Management Binder". I came across a really great article on Money Saving Mama. she has several free printables to add to a home binder. I say, go check it all out and use what will work for you. Today, I'll walk you through my first few pages.

 

I mainly used this one site for the majority of my binder. This women makes organizational skills look effortless. I wonder if I should hire her to make me organized and therefore I will make it look easy? Hummmmm something to think about.

 

Anyway, the blog is called Organizing Homelife and she sure does. Here is the link to the beginning of her 31 Days of Home Management where she has all her printables for her binder. They all rock!!! Check out the link Here.

 

 

So to start, here is where I am at.

I used an old school binder from college way back when I went in 1778. It's the first binder ever made! LOL

 

 

So here I should mention that I am....... um thrifty? Okay, I'll admit it, I'm cheep. I didn't want to print out 365 pages of "daily chores" and "daily Plan of attacks" so I did what we do in homeschool. I made wipe offs the cheep way.

1 sheet of printed on paper

1 page protector

1 dry erase marker

 

TA-DA

(Jazz hands? Yes, I think it's warranted)

 

 I guess Little B either found the dry erase marker, or he has a plan of attack he wants known.

 

I printed out the "Plan of Attack" sheets from HERE in this LINK. I like these because it gives me a quick snippet of what the day will bring, what times things occur etc. Even having a place for me to plan out Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. I know, I'm creative with my waffles and Leftovers.

 

These I covered in those page protectors and then, at the end of the week I just wipe it off and start over.

 

Money Saving Mom has a ton of Printables to choose from to make up what some Home Management binders may lack for you. While I mainly used one, I added some pages from here as well.

 

 

I am currently using her own cleaning list until I can come up with some of my own add ons. For now, she has a great stepping off point.

 

 

So there you have it, the start to my Home Management Binder. Tomorrow I'll show how I do my calendar, manage my blog ideas, and manage my ever growing to-do list.

 

Mama Jelly

 

 

 

 

 



A New Year, New Look

As the new year rolls in I find myself surrounded by all sorts of posts from family and friends. Some are stating that they will "finally" lose that weight they have kept on for forever. Some are stating they want a better 2013, since 2012 was too hard on them. Some are looking forward to snuggling close tiny new babies. Some are refusing to make a New Year's Resolution and are stating the fact, loudly. I like reading these for it puts into perspective my own flaws and bad points of character. My willingness to let things distract me, to persuade me to live "in the moment" with no real goal set in mind. While I pride myself on my ability to love my family,  I do not posses the qualities such as an organized home........ or homeschool..... or life, for that matter. I am more a "fly by the seat of my pants" girl than a well laid out plain mom. I wish I was better at being more thoughtful and driven to achieve certain goals. Every New Year starts out similar: I write down my goals on a lined piece of paper at about 11:00pm. I number them in importance and organize them by tasks. I pray over them and promise myself that I will accomplish these goals. Then comes New Year's Day and I wind up in my PJ's at 2pm, writing on a blog about how I'm going to change it up.

I am a huge believer that a relaxed atmosphere within a home leads to happy kids, happy wife, happy husband. While we have achieved that most ardently, we haven't quite grasped the task orientated life. You know, the one where the family lives, loves and prays with goals in mind and rejoices in the achievements of the family unit. Yeah..... we are not this family. It's funny really, since I homeschool and teach Sunday School,  that I could be as disorganized as I am. My family is always scrambling at the, last minute to get dressed for a play date, get a gift for a birthday party, or making sure we have all supplies for Sunday School. Even now, it's January 1st and I still have Christmas cards to mail out. **sigh** I can organize to a point but where I fall sort is my follow through. I get board and distracted and suddenly it's 2pm and the party is at 3 and we have nothing for the birthday kid. Or it's 9:15 and the play date is at 10am and we have just woken up.

Why am I confessing these weaknesses? Because the road to accountability starts with professing the things you are worst at. So here I am, New Years Day, still in PJ's typing out a blog post about getting organized this year while my printer prints out page after page for our family binder and homeschool workbooks. The only difference between this year and last is one simple thing. Instead of stating this to myself at home, quietly, I'm announcing it to the 5 people who subscribe but I'm sure haven't read the blog. A bit pessimistic but one of them is my mom. (Hi Mom!!! ::waves:: I'll call you today, I promise) I don't reach many people and that's okay, my voice is lost among the sea of better, bigger and more prepared blogs out there. One of my goals this year is to blog more. I feel it gives me an outlet to write things: my family, my thoughts, my failures (keep reading, I'm certain my failures will be funny, they usually are) and my weaknesses. Hummmmm I suppose I need an outlet for me, to speak what is on my mind and have no one read them. Yep, what a goal. (If you haven't noticed, I am a tad sarcastic. I like smiley faces and ........ and parentheses. Oh and the word "yep". Yep)

I suppose when a journey begins the most important part of that journey doesn't begin with the step itself, but in the picking up of the foot. So this is me, after a several month hiatus, picking up my foot to take a step forward into a year that promises to be glorious and amazing. But I am hesitant and scared. This year will also bring challenges that make me want to hide my head and pretend everything is just as wonderful as I proclaim it to be on my personal facebook page.

A recap of the last few months:

In August we got an official doctor's diagnoses on our little man. For months Big B and I  had noticed that Little B wouldn't respond to different sounds, like crashing of pots or loud fire trucks. He never startled, never go upset any loud noises, never turned his head. We began to wonder if it was us or something was wrong. After months of really wondering, we got the diagnosis that our Little B was deaf in one ear and HOH (hard of hearing) in the other. I would like to say that we took it all in stride and believed that everything we be okay. We did not. We denied it for a while and resolved to only tell a few people of the heartbreak of the diagnosis. I wish we could have said that we accepted it and started to work toward a brighter future for Little B. We did not. We were normal, average parents, we were  not super parents. We morned the loss of the child we dreamed him to be and prepared for the child God gave to us. We didn't smile and say "Thank you doctor" and run out and buy sign language books and join help centers for deaf children. No we acted as if the diagnosis didn't happen, that our son was perfectly fine and that he just needed to get a bit bigger, that somehow that would make him "grow out of it". By August, however, it was painfully obvious that he had a disability. I'll stop here and say that I have come to the realization that there are a few words I absolutely hate in the English language.

Here is a list;
Disability
Dumb
Special Needs
Stupid
Impaired


There are a few others, but they are so offensive, I won't write them. I never knew how strongly I would react to words spoken until Little B was diagnosed. Suddenly I feel like I am out to prove just how amazing he truly is. Once we did accept our diagnosis, things started falling into place. Little B will be fitted for a hearing aid here soon and will start attending a specialized school for the Deaf and hearing impaired. He is 18 months. He is amazing. While I'm scared for what the future holds, I am hopeful and excited to watch him learn and grow. I'm also excited to catalog this journey in our family blog and look back on December 31, 2013 and see how amazingly blessed we truly are.


We also started full time homeschooling. While, again, I'd like to say we have done well homeschooling, the truth is it's hard. Some weeks we didn't leave the house all week, we barely got dressed and don't even get me started on the state of my house cleaning. I became so overwhelmed and scared I was failing that I even filled out online the school paperwork. It wasn't until Miss A started American Heritage Girls that I meet other homeschool parents. We started going to PE with a COOP and started attending MNO with them. So now I feel I have an arsenal of moms who are "like me", who homeschool and get together and understand. Miss A is making friends and so am I. I never realized how isolating and hard homeschooling can be until now. Sure we socialize by going to the library and to playgroups, but when your little one is 18 months and your oldest one is 6, where do you fit in? Not in a traditional moms group where most of the kids are 3 and under. We are finally feeling like we are getting into a grove and we like it. Our homeschooling is becoming easier and less forced. Miss A is reading and enjoying school and I, for the first time, am enjoying just teaching and not trying to keep up with more experienced homeschoolers.


And just to add to the haphazardness of this little post, how about some pictures thrown in for good measure? Yes? Or should I say, Yep!

The kids yesterday at the Children's Museum right after we counted down to 12:00.... that's noon. We had a nap time to stick to.

 

Miss A truly is a city girl at heart.

 

 

Mama Jelly and her two little sticky fingered kiddos.

So there you have it, a short little nothing that tells and brings those 5 readers up to speed about the going's on in the Jelly household. My New Year's resolution, in case you didn't guess, was to become more organized, more on task. God has called us Christian women to be keepers of our home and while that is an opened ended invitation, we are also called to be organizers of the home we keep. At least this is how I feel about the scriptures. So I am working hard at being more organized and better at being on point with my tasks.


Tomorrow's blog post? How I started my Home Management Binder for free. Stay tuned.

Mama Jelly