As the new year rolls in I find myself surrounded by all sorts of posts from family and friends. Some are stating that they will "finally" lose that weight they have kept on for forever. Some are stating they want a better 2013, since 2012 was too hard on them. Some are looking forward to snuggling close tiny new babies. Some are refusing to make a New Year's Resolution and are stating the fact, loudly. I like reading these for it puts into perspective my own flaws and bad points of character. My willingness to let things distract me, to persuade me to live "in the moment" with no real goal set in mind. While I pride myself on my ability to love my family, I do not posses the qualities such as an organized home........ or homeschool..... or life, for that matter. I am more a "fly by the seat of my pants" girl than a well laid out plain mom. I wish I was better at being more thoughtful and driven to achieve certain goals. Every New Year starts out similar: I write down my goals on a lined piece of paper at about 11:00pm. I number them in importance and organize them by tasks. I pray over them and promise myself that I will accomplish these goals. Then comes New Year's Day and I wind up in my PJ's at 2pm, writing on a blog about how I'm going to change it up.
I am a huge believer that a relaxed atmosphere within a home leads to happy kids, happy wife, happy husband. While we have achieved that most ardently, we haven't quite grasped the task orientated life. You know, the one where the family lives, loves and prays with goals in mind and rejoices in the achievements of the family unit. Yeah..... we are not this family. It's funny really, since I homeschool and teach Sunday School, that I could be as disorganized as I am. My family is always scrambling at the, last minute to get dressed for a play date, get a gift for a birthday party, or making sure we have all supplies for Sunday School. Even now, it's January 1st and I still have Christmas cards to mail out. **sigh** I can organize to a point but where I fall sort is my follow through. I get board and distracted and suddenly it's 2pm and the party is at 3 and we have nothing for the birthday kid. Or it's 9:15 and the play date is at 10am and we have just woken up.
Why am I confessing these weaknesses? Because the road to accountability starts with professing the things you are worst at. So here I am, New Years Day, still in PJ's typing out a blog post about getting organized this year while my printer prints out page after page for our family binder and homeschool workbooks. The only difference between this year and last is one simple thing. Instead of stating this to myself at home, quietly, I'm announcing it to the 5 people who subscribe but I'm sure haven't read the blog. A bit pessimistic but one of them is my mom. (Hi Mom!!! ::waves:: I'll call you today, I promise) I don't reach many people and that's okay, my voice is lost among the sea of better, bigger and more prepared blogs out there. One of my goals this year is to blog more. I feel it gives me an outlet to write things: my family, my thoughts, my failures (keep reading, I'm certain my failures will be funny, they usually are) and my weaknesses. Hummmmm I suppose I need an outlet for me, to speak what is on my mind and have no one read them. Yep, what a goal. (If you haven't noticed, I am a tad sarcastic. I like smiley faces and ........ and parentheses. Oh and the word "yep". Yep)
I suppose when a journey begins the most important part of that journey doesn't begin with the step itself, but in the picking up of the foot. So this is me, after a several month hiatus, picking up my foot to take a step forward into a year that promises to be glorious and amazing. But I am hesitant and scared. This year will also bring challenges that make me want to hide my head and pretend everything is just as wonderful as I proclaim it to be on my personal facebook page.
A recap of the last few months:
In August we got an official doctor's diagnoses on our little man. For months Big B and I had noticed that Little B wouldn't respond to different sounds, like crashing of pots or loud fire trucks. He never startled, never go upset any loud noises, never turned his head. We began to wonder if it was us or something was wrong. After months of really wondering, we got the diagnosis that our Little B was deaf in one ear and HOH (hard of hearing) in the other. I would like to say that we took it all in stride and believed that everything we be okay. We did not. We denied it for a while and resolved to only tell a few people of the heartbreak of the diagnosis. I wish we could have said that we accepted it and started to work toward a brighter future for Little B. We did not. We were normal, average parents, we were not super parents. We morned the loss of the child we dreamed him to be and prepared for the child God gave to us. We didn't smile and say "Thank you doctor" and run out and buy sign language books and join help centers for deaf children. No we acted as if the diagnosis didn't happen, that our son was perfectly fine and that he just needed to get a bit bigger, that somehow that would make him "grow out of it". By August, however, it was painfully obvious that he had a disability. I'll stop here and say that I have come to the realization that there are a few words I absolutely hate in the English language.
Here is a list;
Disability
Dumb
Special Needs
Stupid
Impaired
There are a few others, but they are so offensive, I won't write them. I never knew how strongly I would react to words spoken until Little B was diagnosed. Suddenly I feel like I am out to prove just how amazing he truly is. Once we did accept our diagnosis, things started falling into place. Little B will be fitted for a hearing aid here soon and will start attending a specialized school for the Deaf and hearing impaired. He is 18 months. He is amazing. While I'm scared for what the future holds, I am hopeful and excited to watch him learn and grow. I'm also excited to catalog this journey in our family blog and look back on December 31, 2013 and see how amazingly blessed we truly are.
We also started full time homeschooling. While, again, I'd like to say we have done well homeschooling, the truth is it's hard. Some weeks we didn't leave the house all week, we barely got dressed and don't even get me started on the state of my house cleaning. I became so overwhelmed and scared I was failing that I even filled out online the school paperwork. It wasn't until Miss A started American Heritage Girls that I meet other homeschool parents. We started going to PE with a COOP and started attending MNO with them. So now I feel I have an arsenal of moms who are "like me", who homeschool and get together and understand. Miss A is making friends and so am I. I never realized how isolating and hard homeschooling can be until now. Sure we socialize by going to the library and to playgroups, but when your little one is 18 months and your oldest one is 6, where do you fit in? Not in a traditional moms group where most of the kids are 3 and under. We are finally feeling like we are getting into a grove and we like it. Our homeschooling is becoming easier and less forced. Miss A is reading and enjoying school and I, for the first time, am enjoying just teaching and not trying to keep up with more experienced homeschoolers.
And just to add to the haphazardness of this little post, how about some pictures thrown in for good measure? Yes? Or should I say, Yep!
The kids yesterday at the Children's Museum right after we counted down to 12:00.... that's noon. We had a nap time to stick to.
Miss A truly is a city girl at heart.
Mama Jelly and her two little sticky fingered kiddos.
So there you have it, a short little nothing that tells and brings those 5 readers up to speed about the going's on in the Jelly household. My New Year's resolution, in case you didn't guess, was to become more organized, more on task. God has called us Christian women to be keepers of our home and while that is an opened ended invitation, we are also called to be organizers of the home we keep. At least this is how I feel about the scriptures. So I am working hard at being more organized and better at being on point with my tasks.
Tomorrow's blog post? How I started my Home Management Binder for free. Stay tuned.
Mama Jelly
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