I do Carpe Diem, thank you very much.

Recently, on the Facebook walls of many of my friends (many of whom I have actually met, in real life no less) I have seen this wonderfully written blog post about Carpe Diem in reference to one's annoying  interesting offspring. Written by Glennon Melton at Momastry originally, it showed up on the Huffinton Post no less. This wonderfully written and witty post had me laughing till my sides ached. Go read it!!! You will be nodding along as I was and saying "Yes, I agree." Go ahead, I'll wait. 

 As mom's, I'm sure we have all had those amazing, awesome moments when one or more of our dirty monsters beautiful angels are acting........ well......... um let's use the loose term "up", shall we. In the post, Melton mentions liking parenting to climbing Mount Everest:

"I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain."

She goes on to express what her children where doing when they were "acting up" and it is quite hysterical and so true. Our children find moments in everyday to embarrass the pants off us. I have laughed with mommy friends during in home parties of the antics of our children. More than one time, while out with Miss A and Little B, one or both are acting as though it is the first time in a month they have been let out of the house. Miss A is running the isles, usually yelling things like "FOR NARNIA!!" or "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!" or her favorite, barking so loud you can't think, while she is pretending to lick some unsuspecting patron in the Target line. (Have I mentioned that we are Disney Club members and that Lady and the Tramp is on a continuous loop? No?) I can completely get exactly what she is saying. I understand it, I'm right there with her......... to a point.

In the post, Melton mentions Kairos time or as she puts it "it's God's time". It's those moments in time when we really look at our kids and the world around us holds still, we enjoy that moment, breathing in their youth and their amazing wonder and think "You are my heart and soul." I get this too. Busy as we moms are, we forget sometimes to slow down and breath in our children, just drink in their personality and eye color and freckled cheeks. I understand Kairos time, this I can get behind.

The disgusting little truth? Even though there are moments when Miss A is licking people or having a famous "Drama Mama" moment, I still Carpe Diem. I still look at those frustrating moments and think "I only have so long." I know! I suppose now I will be thrown from the mountain.

As I've mentioned before, I had fertility issues. I'm talking serious problems, for years. Does this make me wiser or some how more intuitive; nope, not even a little bit. Does it make me just a smidgen more appreciative? Nope. There are mothers everyday out there who are appreciative. "What does it make you?", you might ask. I feel it makes me different, that is it. I see the days differently, I see the moments differently. Maybe because I had to give myself injections three times a day or because I had to endure rounds of invasive and painful procedures or because I had to ingest numerous pills to force my body to do what so many women can do on their own, the drugs and the injections have messed with my brain and have made me crazy. It's definitely a possibility, given that I Carpe Diem, ever Diem. But I just see it differently. I've had the drugs and the miracle, only to sit at a memorial service for my sweet baby, instead of a church dedication. I've been on the end where I spend long, tear stained days and nights hating God. I also believe that God gave me those children to help other grieving families who, heartbreaking, are just starting their grief. I have also known the amazing joy of holding your new born baby, just before you place him or her in the car seat to go home.

While this makes me different, I can already hear the grumbling. "Oh I see, she Carpe Diem, but that's only because of her history." Maybe, but more than likely, it's a personality flaw.

Take, for instance, the day Little B almost choked himself unconscious. Normal day in our household, Little B is on the floor, practicing his newest trick of rolling, like a little log toward the TV cords. This is immensely enjoyable for him. He rolls over to the TV, and wiggles himself until he grasps the cords that go to the wireless box and then, with this grin of satisfaction, he jiggles the cord, making it rattle. To a baby that is almost 8 months, this is a good time. To his parents, however, we see the danger in this.The whole TV possibly falling over or wireless box tumbling down and cracking Little B in the head is not the desired effect we want. As Big B has said "No one likes a flat baby."

So I had removed Little B from his usual line of attack for the umpteenth time in the last 10 minutes. He was mad at me and Miss A was out of the room for a minute when I heard, what can only be described as a silent gag. Don't ask me what that sounds like, but I just knew he was choking. I turn him over to discover a red faced, bug eyed, drooling baby boy. Reacting purely on instinct, since I haven't practiced nursing is quite a while, I proceeded to flip him over and whack his back and flip him back over to do chest thrusts at the sternum. Back and forth between whacking his back and hitting his sternum, until he vomited and a sticker came up. I bounced up, yelled at Miss A to get into the car and noticed his face was red again. He was making sharp, wheezing noises and I knew I hadn't gotten it all out. Throwing both children into the car, I rushed to the Texas Urgent Care unit. Normally, it is advised to call 911, but I live two blocks from the ugri-care. I made it there, rushed in with him, screaming, "he's choking!!!". A nurse, a secretary and a doctor rushed out to me and someone took him, preforming another round of the Heimlich maneuver, where he vomited up the remaining sticker. He took a large breath and screamed.

In those moments, as the Kairos time ticked slowly by, as I watched in quiet but loud awe of what was happening, I realized something. Not some revaluation of life or anything. No I realized that I didn't have on shoes. Know what else I realized? I realized my daughter was only wearing a t-shirt. She had on a t-shirt, panties and nothing else. Nothing. No socks, so shoes, no skirt, nothing. I also realized that Little B had only a diaper on. You may think "well, it was an emergency. what should you do? Stop and get dressed?" No. But what did I do? I laughed. I laughed until no sound came out and tears rolled down my cheeks. I laughed until I couldn't breath. I laughed until I was certain they were ready to sign the children over to CPS and commit me. I laughed. Loud. High pitched. Snorting. I laughed.

Not because of stress or because of relief. I laughed because it was funny. Us. This motley crue God pulled together and made a family, were standing in the emergency, half naked, hair unbrushed, a hot mess of a family. Do you know what else? After she cried because she thought it was her fault (Miss A had given Little B the sticker), she laughed with me. Because it was funny, because she needed to, and because she also has my ability to give the incorrect response at inappropriate times.

There are moments like this one, peppered all over the last 5 years. Moments like walking into the bathroom and feeling water drip on my face and hearing "I washed the celling." Moments where Miss A grabbed a pair a scissors and managed to "give herself a mullet" and chop off almost all of her then waist length hair. She got down to almost the scalp on one side and managed to have a mullet with a rat tail, impressive. Moments where she sneaks past Big B and takes finger paints to our shower after she strips down to her panties because she doesn't want to get her dress dirty. Taking crackers to her room for her dolls, resulting in an infestation of ants. Where she is in the church Christmas play and can not stand the bright lights, so she stands, the entire play, covering her eyes and saying "that is way to bright!" Moment after moment. Yes some she is sick in, some she is pitching a fit. Like the time she pitched a fit, and I, in my parenting awesomeness, pitched a fit to "show her" how silly she was. I managed to knock over a display of Santa's and she screamed "Mommy you killed Santa!!! Look his head came off!!"

Even in these moments, I Carpe Diem. I do. I look at her in my most frustrated moments and think "we only have so long and the magic is over." I can't wait to have moments with my Little B-man. I can't wait to see what he will get into, what he will say.

I guess I'm a Pollyanna, a rose colored glasses kinda gal. I may not always appreciate the time for what is , during the checkout line meltdowns, but I can appreciate the gifts that God has given our family. I can appreciate and be humbled that I am these kids mother. Not in a snotty "look at me I'm better than you way". But in a "I see their flaws and my own weakness and I laugh at it all and want it to last." I Carpe Diem not because some little old lady, with a wistful look in her eye says so. I Carpe Diem because she is 5 and he is 7months and I only have a few more years left to enjoy the pain and struggle of parenting.

While I agree that the good willing cheerleaders on the side of Mount Everest would surely get annoying and the climbers may want to feel like shoving them off. If it weren't for the cheerleaders, would the climbers even appreciate the moments where the mountain becomes hard? Would they even notice the mountain and it's tempers if it weren't for the ones who had climbed before? Would the climbers, huddled together in the cold and darkness think "I can make it one more day. I have seen the cheerleaders." I suppose my rose colored glasses make me want say "I sure hope so."

Work Over My Wardrobe Wednesday

For the next few weeks, I will be making over my existing wardrobe. Being a stay at home mom of two small children, and living on a budget, I don't have the funds or resources to shop for me like I once did.  Gone are the days I could pop into the mall on the way home from work and purchase what I wanted to. No, our money needs to be spent wisely and we are saving for college and purchasing homeschool supplies along with an expensive Gluten free diet my daughter and myself need to stay healthy. I've been on a search for "new clothes" since I will be heading to South Texas Ladies retreat and I know there are going to be some nicely dressed women there. This will be my first time to go somewhere where I won't have spit up on my clothes or an Ergo carrier clipped around my waist. I won't have to worry about Miss A or nurse Little B during service. I am going to sit still (I am so excited about sitting still) and listen (this part thrills me more than sitting still) to women as they speak on family and service and God. I am beyond thrilled!!

So in my excitement, I started thinking about what I was going to wear. I am a mommy, but I try and dress nice, while still being able to go down a slide or finger paint if the need arises. But looking at my wardrobe makes me just a bit sad. My body has changed so much since having children and there are a lot of cute things I refuse to get rid of in my closet. I think every women can sing this song, mommy or not, working outside, inside the home or only with your children. We all have those outfits in the back of our closets that are a reminder of a time when we weren't called mom. A sort of tribute to the women we were and living proof of the women we are today.

I have come across a few tutorials that I love and have helped me to move my wardrobe from okay to fantastic! One of my favorite blogs ever is Choose to Thrive. This mom of 6 is facing 2 lay offs and budget cuts to the family budget but she manages to create for FREE and use things around her house. She is even remodeling her kitchen for FREE. I am smitten with her blog and get tons of ideas from her to, as Nike at Thrive coins "rock what you got". Stop by when you have a chance and tell her how amazing she is!

I have also been searching the Internet to include Pinterest (as if your surprised) for refashions of everything. I have tutorial after tutorial for turning your husbands' dress shirt into a little girl's dress, turn your old tshirts into scarves and ruffles and little girl dresses, turn that onesie with a stain into a onesie baby can wear, and so on and so forth. But what I haven't come across too much is turn mommy's old skirt into something new or turn Mommy's old sweater into a new sweater. I did come across this amazing ruffled long skirt blog post that I absolutely love. And I came across this blog post about refashioning your old sweatshirt into a nice asymmetrical jacket. So using my own imagination and these as inspiration, I bring you the ruffled sweatshirt re-do.

So lets start the refashion with the very first "Work Over My Wardrobe Wednesday".

I had the girls from the Pinterest Party (go here to read about the fun) leave the scraps from the tshirt scarves since I knew I could come up with something for them. This project was super easy and only took a few minutes to refashion a sweatshirt I picked up at "Closet Del Jelly". I like the feel of the fabric of the sweatshirt and the color, but I hated the over sized, bulky look. Plus an all black shirt, with no color washes my fair skin out. I need color!

What I love about knit material, is that you don't need to hem it, the more you wash it, the nicer it looks and it is a very forgiving fabric in that regard. However, you do need a special needle if you do knit material pieced with knit material, and the ability to stretch that makes it great for t-shirt scarves, also makes it difficult to work with if you don't have the correct tension on your machine.

I had my husband take these pictures and I am in no way a model. I prefer to take the pictures instead.

Here is the front

I ruffled t-shirt material around the hood and the v-neck. I didn't like the sleeve length, so I shortened the sleeves to be 3/4 sleeves.

Here it is with the hood up

Yes, I know I don't look "happy" but I was trying to not bust out laughing at Big B who was crouched and seconds away from falling over. This is me, biting my cheeks to not laugh.

This is a close up of the hood

And finally, the rolled roses on the pocket. I liked the pocket for holding things like "magical rocks" and special leaves for Tinkerbell's house as well as keeping my hands warm. I also added two colored roses to bring some other colors to the shirt.

I think it turned out pretty nice and will look nice while still being comfortable. I think this is a win/win.

So head to your local thrift shop, pick up some tshirts and a sweatshirt or better yet, refashion your own at home for FREE.

Mama Jelly

Mothering My Valentines

Valentine's Day sparks so many lovely (and many not so lovely) acts of love. People all over the world and all over Facebook and Twitter and even yes (gasp) Pinterest are showing the love today. I've seen blog post after blog post, legions of men and women voicing their own opinions of this particular day in February. I suppose this means I get to add my voice to the sea of people shouting "hey look at me!" on this day.

 I've always wondered "why" on Valentine's Day. Call me a hopeless unromantic but I don't want Big B to show his love towards me with a gift on Valentine's Day. I guess this puts me in a small number of those who really just don't "get it". I guess I'm just selfish and self centered, I want Big B to show his love everyday, in little and big ways, not just buy me a card that someone else wrote to express his love for me.  Some of the best expressions of his love for me have been on random days, and "just because" moments. Like after we brought home Miss A and she was so small. Big B went to the store and brought home two white lilies, one was for the memory of the loss of our son Gabriel and one for the joy of the birth of Miss A. They were attached together from the same stalk. Even 5 years later, that moment makes me cry. Or the time he came home from work after I had been dealing with a very colicky Little B, and he brought home milk and coffee filters and took the baby so I could take a nap. Talk about romance, I still smile when I think of that moment in our marriage. I looked like a hot mess, dirty and worn down with I'm sure spit up and other kid fluids on me, Miss A was still in her PJ's and he just came home, took Little B and took over. Sigh....I have hearts in my eyes.

Valentine's Day just makes me feel like a big fat failure as a mom. I get a little jealous of pictures of the awesome ideas my mom friends show on Facebook, I must admit. I don't do heart shaped food or make red cloth forts in the living room. I don't hang paper hearts or sew up felted chair covers with everyones name embroidered on the back. I don't decorate or even have any red sprinkles in the house........ I know shocking, but I looked to make sure and nope, no red. There is pink sprinkles from I don't know when in the back of the spice rack. I don't sit down and do a Valentine's craft with the kids either. This part kinda makes me sad that I don't. I should, I should make Miss A and Little B make something for Daddy. I do crafts all the time with them, so I don't know why I've never done a Valentine's craft, ever. Miss A makes pictures and Big B takes them to work or we hang them here at the house. My point is, shouldn't the kids know that love is shown everyday? I feel that putting this pressure on everyone to show your love on a particular day, makes you feel awful if you don't live up to the other persons expectations.

Even though we don't do anything organized for each other on the 14th of February, doesn't mean nothing gets exchanged. I woke up this morning to Miss A who gave me a piece of computer paper with stick figures drawn on it and a ton of little beads glued to the paper. She crawled up into bed with me in her Little Mermaid PJ's and said "Mom, I made this for you. It's because you love my fancy self." My heart melted. I currently have the masterpiece hung up on the fridge, the place of "high honor" in our house. What she was saying to me this morning, early I might add, is that she feels loved everyday just for being her. Miss A dances and laughs and pretends to be a dog (thank you Disney Movie Club for Lady and the Tramp) and I still love her. Even in her rain boots and tutu and glittery purse. Even when she is acting crazy and wild and making me laugh. I love her simply because she is herself, exactly the way God made her.

It wasn't that long ago, when celebrating any holiday would send me into a state of depression. Being told that you have PCOS and being told that you had unexplained infertility, doesn't really lend yourself to the warm and fuzzy ,lovey feelings. It wasn't that long ago where I was in a doctor's office, being told what the next step in our infertility journey would be, one Valentine's Day. At those low and heartbreaking moments in our marriage, I didn't want a card from Big B, I wanted a partner. A wanted someone to be strong for me and love me and say "I know this will work out alright. I prayed to God for this." I wanted to be told that even if we never had another, that he was okay with the special Valentine God had given us. There are everyday moments burned in my mind of Miss A and her daddy, of watching them love each other and support each other, in the only mystifying way a little girl and her daddy can do.

Then last year, when we were told there was nothing more to be done, last Valentine's Day, I was carrying our little cupid. A tiny baby that fluttered for the first time on February 14, 2011 and I felt it. Then Little B was born and I felt so much love for him and some much fear. He was born 6 weeks early and was in the NICU. Once we brought him home, I felt such a feeling of love and responsibility to him.  My children and my husband have become my Valentine gifts. They bring me joy and sorrow, laughter and frustration. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually cut out to be their mother, friend, teacher, cheerleader and disciplinarian.  I wonder sometimes how I come across to my husband and try and work on a better way to show my appreciation and love for him.

 You see to this women, Valentine's Day holds no weight, no value. We show our love for each other all year long, everyday, in little ways. We grow as a family and live as a unit. We make mistakes, we hurt each others feelings but we also apologize and build each other up. Big B and I try as parents to instill in our kids the feelings of self worth and self esteem. We pray for our children, pray over our children and pray over our marriage. We are not perfect, far from it. Instead we love the fact that neither one expects the moon and stars, so it is such a blessing when we see them. 

As I sit and listen to Miss A making Little B laugh, I am reminded how to spend a lovely Valentine's Day. We will cook dinner tonight, there will be no heart shaped anything, and we will laugh and talk and be a family. Later, I'm sure we will watch a movie (Finding Nemo for the millionth time) and I will nurse Little B. We will celebrate the fact Little B is learning to roll to where he wants and grasps objects with ease.

 This will be the best Valentines Day ever, simply because we are together.

Mama Jelly

A Pinteresting Party

A few weeks ago, while enjoying my favorite past time, I had a thought. Wonder if anyone has ever done a Pinterest Party. So I looked it up on the boards and of course they had and of course they pinned it.

So Smart!

My girlfriends and myself have enjoyed Pinterest almost to the part where we quote pins in our everyday language. "Did you see XX?" "I made XX last night and it rocked!" "I laughed so hard on that pin....." Etc etc. We don't even have to state where we found it, it's understood. PINTEREST. So I sent out the invites via Facebook, and got the girls together. This group would be a collection of different ages, different background, some have children, some unmarried but all with one love and all obsessed with one website.

So how would one go about having a Pinterest Party? I wasn't about to just sit on our laptops and our smart phones and pin for 2 hours. No that would not be fun. So in the invites I stated "Bring your favorite food pin, craft you made or anything else you got from Pinterest to the party." Then I thought, well, if we are all together, laughing, eating, being girls, we going to need to do something. So I thought it would be a ton of fun to make something off of Pinterest. I kept track for a week before the party and looked up "most popular" daily in crafts. There I found it! The week we had the party, the "most popular craft" was T-shirt Scarves.

What's a t-shirt scarf? Well my friend, it's the upcycle crazy meets functional accessory. Here with a cool tie died scarf. This one here is beautiful and being sold on Etsy. Elaborate ones found here and here. After looking up the last two, I think I am in need of doing some interesting redo's in the coming weeks.

So the big day approached and I got the decor and my food together. I also hit the Goodwill for some old t-shirts.

I put out a table with scissors and tshirts ready to be re purposed.

After the first pass of filling up our plates, everyone who brought some craft to show or brought foods, showed off what they had made. One of my sweet friends brought what could only be dubbed as the "Pinterest bag of crafts."  We then set to work redoing these shirts into wearable scarves.

While they worked, I brought out the special Pinterest Cheesecake.

Oh and friends ALWAYS help hold the braid

One of the ladies made these very cute picture props.

Some made the braided scarves, some just went off and did their own style. Everyone left having had fun and with something they created.

So go on, grab your girlfriends, gather that weeks "most popular craft", gets some food and have a great time enjoying the best site on the web.

Mama Jelly