Quest for a whole family devotional

(Opening disclaimer: I was not paid for or asked to review any of these books. I just wanted to share them with others who maybe looking into purchasing them. All views and opinions are strictly my own. )

When I started to homeschool, my main reasoning, shockingly, had nothing to do with my religion. I knew that no matter if the kids went to public or private, the biblical view would come from their mom and dad and not by anyone else. I owned this teaching from the moment they both arrived. But I have struggled with finding a balance in our devotional time. I wanted to be able to teach the kids along with myself. While I found wonderful devotionals for me, and very well thought out ones for them, trying to combine them left me baffled. Some of the more in depth teachings in my devotionals were over the kids' heads and theirs was a little too simple for me. For the past few years, I've left it alone. I did my own time with the Lord before they woke or after they went to sleep and we did ours in school together. It worked well, but my children never actual saw me with my devotional, never followed along with me, never saw me praying with my bible out and highlighters in my hands. It worked. But then again, it didn't.

This summer my daughter and I moved through a great book series by Lori Wagnor. The first book in the series is called "The Girl in the Dress". It is brilliantly written, smart, and informative without being stuffy and over my daughter's head. It uses simple, clearly thought out, and engaging language to capture the reader while still staying true to scripture. The book talks about modesty in regard to scripture and what that really means in our real world life. It also talks about how, being modesty does not equate to frumpy or "old fashion" but more it allows the actual beauty of a girl to shine without all the extra glitz and glamour. We then followed that book with "Covered by Love". I now see Amazon features another book by her called "Unmasked". I can not wait for it to get here so we can read through it. I will also be teaching this books series to my son, as soon as he is able to understand, since modesty means so much more than just "what a girl is wearing" and learning how to treat women biblically is important for young men to grasp.

I'm going to post a link here to the books on Amazon's site, if y'all are interested.

After the experience for moving through a book together, looking up scripture, doing copy work and memorization, I realized what was missing in my own devotional time. US. I know that, as a Sunday School teacher, I have enough in my arsenal to construct my own. I know that you do not have to have a devotional to go through, to fully understand the bible and it's teachings. I get that. At the same time, I am one of those that if I have to put it all together myself, and look up memorization and stories and meanings, it doesn't get done. It just doesn't. So for me, having a workbook, or hard back book to highlight, dog ear and refer back to, helps me. 

I went searching for a family devotional right around December. I had an Amazon gift card and wanted to get started in the new year. There are so many to choose from, that it became overwhelming. Then, late one night, after searching and reading reviews, I came across "Jesus Calling: enjoying Peace in his Presence" by Sarah Young. The reviews are all glowing and after reading an excerpt, I was hooked. The lessons are short but strong, they chronicled a whole year starting with January 1st. There is scripture to look up at the end, which I personally love. It seemed like a perfect match. For me. After checking with the "what others who bought this"  said, I checked out the kids version and toddler picture bible. Then I found just what I was looking for in the "Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Kids". The scriptures mirrored the adult book. They were the exact same, but they were similar. The lessons were short as well, but in a great language to where my kiddos at 2 and 7 would understand. There was a short memory verse at the end as well. It seemed like a perfect match for our family. 

If you are a Kindle junky (guilty **raises hand**) they have both the kids and adult 365 devotions available. But they didn't group them together for an extra savings, nor did that include the toddle picture bible. That was at the time, I purchased them, so it may have changed. When I switched to hard cover, Amazon in their craftiness, gave me to option to purchase all three for $31 and since they were Prime items, the shipping was free. 

Side note: I love, love, love Prime shipping. Free shipping and you come to my door in 2 days? Click. Yes please!

I ordered them and have enjoyed using the books. The toddler bible is so much better than I expected. We have a few "story bibles" but this one is true to scripture without being to much information for little ones. The illustrations are beautiful. I love that they give the scripture at the top of each story so that, if you want with older kids, you can look it up and go more in depth. 

These devotionals are seamless across the board and work so awesome together. Sarah Young has several other books and I would love to purchase a few when I get a chance. It gives our little family a chance to read, understand and pray together while using language that is easy to understand. Also, If Daddy happens to miss a day for whatever reason, he can pick right up and not be lost. That I love as well. 

Amazon is still running the "purchase together" special on all three, so if you're interested, this would be the way to purchase them. 

Mama Jelly

Peanut Butter Reboot

(Picture http://www.hdwallpapersimages.com/new-year-2014-gifts/16984/)

re·boot

 [v. ree-boot; n. ree-boot, ree-boot] Computers.

verb (used with object)

1.

to restart (a computer) by loading the operating system; boot again.

verb (used without object)

2.

(of a computer) to be restarted.

noun

3.

an act or instance of restarting a computer.

While the act of rebooting is clearly an IT term, in this little blog, it means a fresh start. I started off last year with big plans, but somewhere between January and December, I found that keeping up with a blog is so very difficult and time consuming. See, I tried to start out as some sort of thousand reader blog, when in reality, My mom and my husband read my blog. And only when I remember to tell them I have written something. 

I have taken the last year to really read up on how to run an effective blog and how to write and how to network and what to do and defiantly the thousands of others posts on what NOT to do, and so on. It has always been my intention, however, to be authentic. I really don't want to be yet another homeschool/crafting/mommy blog. Those are needed and great and have created their niche market without my adding to it. I want to blog about our daily happenings and possibly our silliness and occasionally our messiness. I want a running, year long, single view of our little family, and if no one ever reads these words but my mother and husband and myself, well that's just fine. One day, when my children are grown, I'd love to pull up this little nothing blog and show my them my words when I had things on my heart that needed to be said but I couldn't get passed my lips. I want them to read the words and hear my voice, see my struggles, read about times when I was unsure. I want them to read about what I thought when events happened in our small little lives.

It really boils down to the fact, that I am there for these two kiddos. I am present for homeschool lessons and park days. I encourage, instruct, direct and discipline. But my children don't get to hear my inner dialog of self doubt when letting them fly. They don't get to share in the personal journey of being their mother, just the security of their mother loving them. I want them to one day read these words and think "I remember that but to hear my mom's thoughts puts a perspective on it I didn't understand until now." 

When I was a child, I was playing in mother's makeup and putting on her clothes and I found her diary from when she was a teenager. I remember reading the words she had written before I was even thought of and feeling the same things as her. I was 14 at the time and trying desperately to fit in and find my voice. I read her words and there was a comfort to them. A sort of written confirmation that the amazing women who was raising me, was once unsure of herself, just like me. I read about a girl who had crushes and who lacked self esteem, just like me.  I read about a girl who wanted to be something before she had become something. 

It was awe-inspiring. 

It was chilling.

It was amazing.

To read her words, felt to me, that I had stepped into a world so like my own yet still different. It helped me realize that my mother was once a little struggling girl. It was the moment it sank in that she was ever my age, since before that, I had convinced myself she was born a women in a business suit who worked hard. It was the best book I had ever read. It was her words, her thoughts, her struggles that made mine seem similar. 

And I want that for my children.

I want them to read this blog and hear me, hear my words. 

I am not a big "New Year's Resolution" person. I am kinda lazy in that regard, as I think about making a list but never actually get around to putting the list to paper. This year is different. This year, I have had some time to really look at what I want to reboot in 2014. Through prayer and meditation, I come to realize that 4 areas of my life can be improved upon. These areas aren't broken or downtrodden, but as in all things, we can't be stagnant when it comes to ourselves. Continuously moving forward, ever evolving, changing, bettering ourselves is what keeps us fresh and alive. A New Year is full with so many opportunities to be a little bit better. For us to change things and reboot others. This year the 4 areas of rebooting are, in no particular order:

Family (being more present, more active, more involved with both my children and my husband)

Spiritual (drawing closer to God as a women, married couple, and family)

Health (Not only eating right and exercising but taking time to be still and meditate)

Education (learning, discovering, reading and building on my own knowledge base)

I'm praying that this blog helps to keep me accountable when it comes to these four areas. In the coming days and after the first of the year, I will be putting up links with these to help those who want to read (mom and Big B, this means you) to get to the blog posts faster. 

I also am praying that my voice in the blogsphere is authentic and uniquely my own. 

Happy New Year and welcome to the Reboot

Mama Jelly  

Just a little Sign, Please



 

When he signs "Love you" it's always to his sister, but this morning, it was to me, mom. My heart melted even if he did sign "Love you" while I'm changing a diaper.

 

 

When that perfect little bundle is handed to you and you stare down at those little eyes, that little nose, it doesn't matter who you are because suddenly that child in your arms is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. To a mom, it doesn't matter if your little one is a boy, a girl, has Down Syndrome, is born with extra toes, born with sight problems, or is missing a limb. That child, resting in your arms is the most beautiful baby that has ever been born at that moment. Period. And you will protect, fight and love that baby with every thing inside you.

 

To most moms, especially NICU moms, that moment you lock them in the car seat to go home is the most joyous. You are now on your own after weeks or months in the NICU, to love and live with this tiny bundle entrusted to you. My Facebook post on the day we brought Bryce home after spending time in the NICU was:

 

"Ready......Set......GOOOOOOO!!! Here we go, all 4 of us are finally all together. Car seat locked in and off we go. Home."

 

From the time I was 17 weeks until Little B came at 34.2weeks, I fought to keep him in. I was on bed rest because of my high blood pressure and because Little B had tried to come as early as 21 weeks. I would lay around all day with a 4 year old active Miss A and try just to keep from having contractions. I remember one night, rushing the 25 minutes to the hospital, tears streaming down my face, praying to God "Please please not now!" I was having such strong contractions that I couldn't stand up, I couldn't breathe and they were coming every 2minutes. I was wheeled up to Labor and Delivery and when I saw the tiny NICU incubator and the 2 NICU nurses, I lost it. I was only 29 weeks, no this couldn't be happening. Thank goodness the doctor's controlled my labor and, after a 3 day stay on the L&D floor with meds pumping in my system, my contractions finally stopped. It would be 4 times total that I would be admitted and kept in L&D until finally, at 36 weeks, I was too far dilated to stop the labor safely. Little B was born with a hole in his lung called a Pneumothorax which caused his lungs to not inflate and my little man to struggle to breathe. After a CODE BLUE (where B stopped breathing altogether) and several very scary set backs, we were released from the NICU. We brought him into the doctor's office at 6weeks and had his hearing checked again, since he had failed both hearing tests in the NICU. He failed the one in the office as well. We were told he was very little and many times a NICU baby will fail a hearing test until they reach their gestational age. He would fail his hearing tests once more.

 

At 11months, thinking he had an ear infection, I took him into the office for a check up. He didn't have an ear infection, but the doctor noticed his ear canal was misshaped. He sent us home with instructions to see a specialist. The specialist would tell us that Little B was born with an "Organic Malformation" of his Ear drum and Ear canal. This means that when B was in utero, his ears didn't form right. We were told that he was deaf, that he would never talk. Big B and I were devastated. This was May of 2012.

 

How could we have a child who was deaf? How could that be? This wasn't in the plans. We had gotten pregnant with B without fertility drugs, without a doctor's help. that was a miracle since we were told we would not conceive without help and up until Little B, we hadn't. Then we dedicated Little B one year after we were told we would not conceive with IVF, to the month. Surely that was a sign, right? B was born is such a dramatic fashion, but he has never had breathing issues since, didn't need surgery and the hole closed so completely that the X-Ray Tech and the NICU doctor both had to make sure it was there to begin with. Surely that was God saying "I've got this Sticky Family". That HAD to be a sign, right? Deaf? Our baby boy was deaf? D-E-A-F! No, no NO...... clearly that had to be a mistake.

 

It wasn't. We spent the entire summer of 2012 talking to audiologists and speech therapists. We started getting services from Easter Seals and went to group play therapy. Our little man couldn't hear. As much as I would have liked to say " we took it all in stride" we didn't. Big B denied it because this was his little boy. I told only a handful of people because, right or wrong, I felt guilty for not being able to keep him in until the full 40 weeks. This was my fault, I just knew it. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't anyones fault.

 

By the time August came around I had absorbed myself in self pity long enough. I made one post on my Facebook page, telling all of our friends and family the news:

 

"After feeling sorry for myself for 3 months, I am finally done. Little B is deaf in his left ear and HOH in his right. We may have a child who can not hear, but his smile can light up a room."

 

The out poring of love from our family and friends was amazing. We had people getting us in contact with mother's here in our little part of Texas who were deaf or had hearing impaired kids. We had people who I knew had hearing problems calling and talking to us. I became closer to a women I know, who I now consider my "sounding board and helpful hints" in the deaf community. (Thank you Kimberly!!!) We had this amazing support system and we finally felt it okay to say the words "Special needs" without crying or feeling a choking since of anxiety.

 

It is now January 2013 and we have had so many amazing signs that our Little B is a true miracle. First is, we were told he was missing a a bone is his left ear. We had two scans confirming the missing bone, but after he was prayed for, the next scan showed a very underdeveloped hammer (the bone he was missing). The next came in speech. For months, Little B had made no oral sounds to try and speak, but more recently, he has made great strides. He now waves and says "I". He understands some simple commands and can sign up to 20 different signs. He is truly amazing, and we are no longer afraid to tell the world about our little boy.

 

Still, with all this wonderful strides he is making, I still worry. You see, this week is the week he gets his hearing aids. This week is the week we go and get those outward signs that says "something is wrong" to the world. As a logical person, I know that is really is needed and helpful and important, but as a mom.......... As a mom I am scared. Will people stare? Will they say something rude? Will they judge him? or worse feel sorry for him? Will kids make fun of him when he is a little older? Will he fit in? I'm scared. I'm nervous.

 

I know that once the aids go in, his speech will improve. I long to hear him say "Mom" just once. I will cry the day he does because I have waited so very long for him to say anything, but that word "mom"...... that is my dearest word. I can't wait to watch his face when has hears his sister's voice or when he hears music. I understand these aids are important, I get it. I'm just nervous. No parent wants their kid to be "different" even though each child brings with them a difference that is profound and all their own. Once he puts on the hearing aids, the world will know that he can not hear correctly without them. It's normal to feel apprehensive. It's okay to have these feelings. It's okay to feel unsure about the future. It's normal. Every mom or deaf person I have talked to has had these feelings or something similar, so I understand it's okay. I know that our little community of family and friends who love us will accept Little B no matter what he looks like, But the world can be cruel sometimes and I worry. 

 

He is my Little B, my little miracle, my little man. He is my child and I will fight and protect and love him. I will change him and tear up when he signs "Love You" and rejoice when he dances with his special headphones on made for HOH people. I love him because he is my baby. I thank God everyday for giving me him.

 

But I worry.

 

Mama Jelly 

 

 

 

Oragnization in the mist of paper confetti

Today I have a helper who is eager to learn all about organization. Okay, the truth is, if I get out my computer, Little B gets out his and then signs for me to "sit". He likes to work alongside mommy, but working is hard, so a snack is always needed.

 

 

Yesterday I sat down 4 times to write a blog post about organization and my quest to have a better organized home by the end of 2013. Each time I sat down, inevitably one or the other child would need something. At one point, I was doing the chores list I printed out. I was going along, checking off things and feeling accomplished. I was one proud peacock, until I turned the corner and saw that both kids had found the one confetti stick from New Year's Celebration at the Children's museum. For whatever reason I had put one of the confetti sticks, still full, into the diaper bag and carried it home. I'll stop here and mention that it never fails, my diaper bag is a variable "Mary Poppins" carpet bag. I promise, sometimes I pull out lamps and mirrors from the very bottom...... maybe even a potted plant or two.

 

I digress. One of the kids, the youngest dirtiest one, found this stick and was shaking it. A few pieces of tissue paper confetti came out. This prompted the other one, the larger less dirty one, to grab the stick and shake it hard. There was a loud POP and BAM! Confetti everywhere. Both kids thought this was a perfect way to spend a few minutes and proceeded to throw the confetti around. I, however, looked on my carefully thought out chores list for "clean up confetti", sadly it was on there. I think the original author is missing out on not cleaning up confetti. It wasn't until last night, when I, at 2:30am finally crawled into bed, found more confetti on my side of the bed. Apparently the stairs were not enough to contain this awesomeness, and one of the kids felt the need to stuff our covers with it. It was like a party happened in our bed and I was the last to arrive. Sigh.....

 

Anyway, what's the point of today's post? Organization? Oh yes, that's right. I was on my favorite site PINTEREST!!!! Pinterest oh how I heart thee.

 

I'm on Pinterest in preparation for my organizational trip this year. I stumbled across a few "Home Management" binders with free printables and great ideas. I started thinking "why yes, I do believe I can put together a home Management Binder". I came across a really great article on Money Saving Mama. she has several free printables to add to a home binder. I say, go check it all out and use what will work for you. Today, I'll walk you through my first few pages.

 

I mainly used this one site for the majority of my binder. This women makes organizational skills look effortless. I wonder if I should hire her to make me organized and therefore I will make it look easy? Hummmmm something to think about.

 

Anyway, the blog is called Organizing Homelife and she sure does. Here is the link to the beginning of her 31 Days of Home Management where she has all her printables for her binder. They all rock!!! Check out the link Here.

 

 

So to start, here is where I am at.

I used an old school binder from college way back when I went in 1778. It's the first binder ever made! LOL

 

 

So here I should mention that I am....... um thrifty? Okay, I'll admit it, I'm cheep. I didn't want to print out 365 pages of "daily chores" and "daily Plan of attacks" so I did what we do in homeschool. I made wipe offs the cheep way.

1 sheet of printed on paper

1 page protector

1 dry erase marker

 

TA-DA

(Jazz hands? Yes, I think it's warranted)

 

 I guess Little B either found the dry erase marker, or he has a plan of attack he wants known.

 

I printed out the "Plan of Attack" sheets from HERE in this LINK. I like these because it gives me a quick snippet of what the day will bring, what times things occur etc. Even having a place for me to plan out Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. I know, I'm creative with my waffles and Leftovers.

 

These I covered in those page protectors and then, at the end of the week I just wipe it off and start over.

 

Money Saving Mom has a ton of Printables to choose from to make up what some Home Management binders may lack for you. While I mainly used one, I added some pages from here as well.

 

 

I am currently using her own cleaning list until I can come up with some of my own add ons. For now, she has a great stepping off point.

 

 

So there you have it, the start to my Home Management Binder. Tomorrow I'll show how I do my calendar, manage my blog ideas, and manage my ever growing to-do list.

 

Mama Jelly

 

 

 

 

 



100 Days 100 Things Challenge

Picture used from: http://springvalley.govoffice.com/

Spring is here. I just love spring, I love the colors, the warmth, the birds, the flowers. Here is South Texas, we have "spring" about 3 months out of the year. When I lived in Saint Louis, MO however, spring was a great time of year. It kicked off every year, it seemed, with the St. Patrick's Day parade. Shortly after that parade, you would start to see walkers in forest Park, the Zoo would begin to get busy again. Strollers, bikes, families come out from everywhere. It is a great time of year anywhere in the country.

Recently, we took some pictures of Miss A and Little B among the Bluebonnets. We are in Texas after all! You HAVE to have pictures of the kids surrounded by this beautiful flowers.

I love this one of Miss A and her red boots.

This one of Little Bman makes me smile. He is just shy of 9 months and his chubby legs are too cute.

This is just too beautiful.

While most people who love spring, love the flowers, some, like myself, start to get the itch to spring clean. Since Little Bman was born last June, I find myself surrounded with

 tons of "stuff" that gets accumulated when you are a family.

I was talking online with some mom friends, recently and we were talking about spring cleaning. One mom had said that if she didn't do something , her junk would quickly become an episode of Hoarders. This got me thinking, why do I have so much junk? Why am I consumed with having all of this? Why do I feel the need to keep buying things? Is it because of deals I get? Is it because I don't want to get rid of things? I'm not sure.

I was introduced to the book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess  by Jen Hatmaker. She has her own blog which I love to follow. She is a pastors wife who was convicted in her spirit to go through a month of giving up things. Only eating 7 foods, giving away 7 things a day etc. Her book is powerful and inspiring. Her blog is, in my humble opinion, an amazing and biblical look at how to live with less and use what you have. She inspires me. Check her out here.

After talking with my friends, I realized a common thread through all of the talk was "HELP!!!! I HAVE TONS OF JUNK!!!!!!" So I purposed to my mom friends a 100 days to get rid of 100 things. I named it the 100 things 100 days Challenge. Starting May 1 and going through August 8, every single day, I will be giving away, going through, organizing, selling and trashing 100 things. We set up rules and plan to kick this off in a few weeks. Some of my friends have already started, since right now is yard sale season and a few are moving soon. But as a group, we are doing the challenge.

How will this work? you ask. What if I don't have 100 of one thing? Can I just give away 100 Q-Tips and be done? Nope!

Here is how we are working it:

Starting May 1:

Each week will have a theme and everyday that week, I will post an item to go through. You can get rid of 10 of that thing or 1, the amount is not the point. Here is an example:

Week 1:

Mommy Clothes

Day 1:

Jeans/bottoms/skirts

Today, go through all your bottoms, skirts and  jeans and get rid of any that are out of style, don't fit, have holes ("uncool" holes of course) have missing zippers, buttons, stains, undone hem lines etc.

I have encouraged my friends to post pictures of the items that are leaving the house. The biggest rule that goes with this; Not to buy back the item that has left. You can't donate books to the library and turn around and buy 10 books, that just defeats the purpose of getting rid of them. You can sell items if they are sellable, donate items that are not sellable and trash items that need to be trashed. But they need to leave, get out of the house, and make room for LESS stuff.

The point of the exercise is two fold. First, I don't know about you all, but spring cleaning sort of stresses me out. I have this unrealistic view that my house needs to be spotless by the time the first day of summer rolls around. It makes me crazy and makes me feel like I'm behind. Taking 100 days to go through 100 areas in your life, makes it easy and attainable. Second, I am a visual person. i need to physically see the items marching out the door and see the items getting organized, to feel I am accomplishing something. And the best part? You don't have to participate everyday. Let's say it's "Son Week" and you don't have a son. Follow along with the blog, but you don't have to purge that week. By breaking down the organization and cleaning process into small, daily goals, by the start of the school year, you will have a home that is functioning, organized and more importantly C.L.E.A.N. Won't that be great?!

I sure think so!

Join us and follow along with this blog and see the 100 things 100 Days Challenge take shape. I'm hoping to have a few guest bloggers come on and talk about the challenge as well.

I'm excited!!! Aren't you?!

Mama Jelly

I do Carpe Diem, thank you very much.

Recently, on the Facebook walls of many of my friends (many of whom I have actually met, in real life no less) I have seen this wonderfully written blog post about Carpe Diem in reference to one's annoying  interesting offspring. Written by Glennon Melton at Momastry originally, it showed up on the Huffinton Post no less. This wonderfully written and witty post had me laughing till my sides ached. Go read it!!! You will be nodding along as I was and saying "Yes, I agree." Go ahead, I'll wait. 

 As mom's, I'm sure we have all had those amazing, awesome moments when one or more of our dirty monsters beautiful angels are acting........ well......... um let's use the loose term "up", shall we. In the post, Melton mentions liking parenting to climbing Mount Everest:

"I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain."

She goes on to express what her children where doing when they were "acting up" and it is quite hysterical and so true. Our children find moments in everyday to embarrass the pants off us. I have laughed with mommy friends during in home parties of the antics of our children. More than one time, while out with Miss A and Little B, one or both are acting as though it is the first time in a month they have been let out of the house. Miss A is running the isles, usually yelling things like "FOR NARNIA!!" or "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!" or her favorite, barking so loud you can't think, while she is pretending to lick some unsuspecting patron in the Target line. (Have I mentioned that we are Disney Club members and that Lady and the Tramp is on a continuous loop? No?) I can completely get exactly what she is saying. I understand it, I'm right there with her......... to a point.

In the post, Melton mentions Kairos time or as she puts it "it's God's time". It's those moments in time when we really look at our kids and the world around us holds still, we enjoy that moment, breathing in their youth and their amazing wonder and think "You are my heart and soul." I get this too. Busy as we moms are, we forget sometimes to slow down and breath in our children, just drink in their personality and eye color and freckled cheeks. I understand Kairos time, this I can get behind.

The disgusting little truth? Even though there are moments when Miss A is licking people or having a famous "Drama Mama" moment, I still Carpe Diem. I still look at those frustrating moments and think "I only have so long." I know! I suppose now I will be thrown from the mountain.

As I've mentioned before, I had fertility issues. I'm talking serious problems, for years. Does this make me wiser or some how more intuitive; nope, not even a little bit. Does it make me just a smidgen more appreciative? Nope. There are mothers everyday out there who are appreciative. "What does it make you?", you might ask. I feel it makes me different, that is it. I see the days differently, I see the moments differently. Maybe because I had to give myself injections three times a day or because I had to endure rounds of invasive and painful procedures or because I had to ingest numerous pills to force my body to do what so many women can do on their own, the drugs and the injections have messed with my brain and have made me crazy. It's definitely a possibility, given that I Carpe Diem, ever Diem. But I just see it differently. I've had the drugs and the miracle, only to sit at a memorial service for my sweet baby, instead of a church dedication. I've been on the end where I spend long, tear stained days and nights hating God. I also believe that God gave me those children to help other grieving families who, heartbreaking, are just starting their grief. I have also known the amazing joy of holding your new born baby, just before you place him or her in the car seat to go home.

While this makes me different, I can already hear the grumbling. "Oh I see, she Carpe Diem, but that's only because of her history." Maybe, but more than likely, it's a personality flaw.

Take, for instance, the day Little B almost choked himself unconscious. Normal day in our household, Little B is on the floor, practicing his newest trick of rolling, like a little log toward the TV cords. This is immensely enjoyable for him. He rolls over to the TV, and wiggles himself until he grasps the cords that go to the wireless box and then, with this grin of satisfaction, he jiggles the cord, making it rattle. To a baby that is almost 8 months, this is a good time. To his parents, however, we see the danger in this.The whole TV possibly falling over or wireless box tumbling down and cracking Little B in the head is not the desired effect we want. As Big B has said "No one likes a flat baby."

So I had removed Little B from his usual line of attack for the umpteenth time in the last 10 minutes. He was mad at me and Miss A was out of the room for a minute when I heard, what can only be described as a silent gag. Don't ask me what that sounds like, but I just knew he was choking. I turn him over to discover a red faced, bug eyed, drooling baby boy. Reacting purely on instinct, since I haven't practiced nursing is quite a while, I proceeded to flip him over and whack his back and flip him back over to do chest thrusts at the sternum. Back and forth between whacking his back and hitting his sternum, until he vomited and a sticker came up. I bounced up, yelled at Miss A to get into the car and noticed his face was red again. He was making sharp, wheezing noises and I knew I hadn't gotten it all out. Throwing both children into the car, I rushed to the Texas Urgent Care unit. Normally, it is advised to call 911, but I live two blocks from the ugri-care. I made it there, rushed in with him, screaming, "he's choking!!!". A nurse, a secretary and a doctor rushed out to me and someone took him, preforming another round of the Heimlich maneuver, where he vomited up the remaining sticker. He took a large breath and screamed.

In those moments, as the Kairos time ticked slowly by, as I watched in quiet but loud awe of what was happening, I realized something. Not some revaluation of life or anything. No I realized that I didn't have on shoes. Know what else I realized? I realized my daughter was only wearing a t-shirt. She had on a t-shirt, panties and nothing else. Nothing. No socks, so shoes, no skirt, nothing. I also realized that Little B had only a diaper on. You may think "well, it was an emergency. what should you do? Stop and get dressed?" No. But what did I do? I laughed. I laughed until no sound came out and tears rolled down my cheeks. I laughed until I couldn't breath. I laughed until I was certain they were ready to sign the children over to CPS and commit me. I laughed. Loud. High pitched. Snorting. I laughed.

Not because of stress or because of relief. I laughed because it was funny. Us. This motley crue God pulled together and made a family, were standing in the emergency, half naked, hair unbrushed, a hot mess of a family. Do you know what else? After she cried because she thought it was her fault (Miss A had given Little B the sticker), she laughed with me. Because it was funny, because she needed to, and because she also has my ability to give the incorrect response at inappropriate times.

There are moments like this one, peppered all over the last 5 years. Moments like walking into the bathroom and feeling water drip on my face and hearing "I washed the celling." Moments where Miss A grabbed a pair a scissors and managed to "give herself a mullet" and chop off almost all of her then waist length hair. She got down to almost the scalp on one side and managed to have a mullet with a rat tail, impressive. Moments where she sneaks past Big B and takes finger paints to our shower after she strips down to her panties because she doesn't want to get her dress dirty. Taking crackers to her room for her dolls, resulting in an infestation of ants. Where she is in the church Christmas play and can not stand the bright lights, so she stands, the entire play, covering her eyes and saying "that is way to bright!" Moment after moment. Yes some she is sick in, some she is pitching a fit. Like the time she pitched a fit, and I, in my parenting awesomeness, pitched a fit to "show her" how silly she was. I managed to knock over a display of Santa's and she screamed "Mommy you killed Santa!!! Look his head came off!!"

Even in these moments, I Carpe Diem. I do. I look at her in my most frustrated moments and think "we only have so long and the magic is over." I can't wait to have moments with my Little B-man. I can't wait to see what he will get into, what he will say.

I guess I'm a Pollyanna, a rose colored glasses kinda gal. I may not always appreciate the time for what is , during the checkout line meltdowns, but I can appreciate the gifts that God has given our family. I can appreciate and be humbled that I am these kids mother. Not in a snotty "look at me I'm better than you way". But in a "I see their flaws and my own weakness and I laugh at it all and want it to last." I Carpe Diem not because some little old lady, with a wistful look in her eye says so. I Carpe Diem because she is 5 and he is 7months and I only have a few more years left to enjoy the pain and struggle of parenting.

While I agree that the good willing cheerleaders on the side of Mount Everest would surely get annoying and the climbers may want to feel like shoving them off. If it weren't for the cheerleaders, would the climbers even appreciate the moments where the mountain becomes hard? Would they even notice the mountain and it's tempers if it weren't for the ones who had climbed before? Would the climbers, huddled together in the cold and darkness think "I can make it one more day. I have seen the cheerleaders." I suppose my rose colored glasses make me want say "I sure hope so."

Mothering My Valentines

Valentine's Day sparks so many lovely (and many not so lovely) acts of love. People all over the world and all over Facebook and Twitter and even yes (gasp) Pinterest are showing the love today. I've seen blog post after blog post, legions of men and women voicing their own opinions of this particular day in February. I suppose this means I get to add my voice to the sea of people shouting "hey look at me!" on this day.

 I've always wondered "why" on Valentine's Day. Call me a hopeless unromantic but I don't want Big B to show his love towards me with a gift on Valentine's Day. I guess this puts me in a small number of those who really just don't "get it". I guess I'm just selfish and self centered, I want Big B to show his love everyday, in little and big ways, not just buy me a card that someone else wrote to express his love for me.  Some of the best expressions of his love for me have been on random days, and "just because" moments. Like after we brought home Miss A and she was so small. Big B went to the store and brought home two white lilies, one was for the memory of the loss of our son Gabriel and one for the joy of the birth of Miss A. They were attached together from the same stalk. Even 5 years later, that moment makes me cry. Or the time he came home from work after I had been dealing with a very colicky Little B, and he brought home milk and coffee filters and took the baby so I could take a nap. Talk about romance, I still smile when I think of that moment in our marriage. I looked like a hot mess, dirty and worn down with I'm sure spit up and other kid fluids on me, Miss A was still in her PJ's and he just came home, took Little B and took over. Sigh....I have hearts in my eyes.

Valentine's Day just makes me feel like a big fat failure as a mom. I get a little jealous of pictures of the awesome ideas my mom friends show on Facebook, I must admit. I don't do heart shaped food or make red cloth forts in the living room. I don't hang paper hearts or sew up felted chair covers with everyones name embroidered on the back. I don't decorate or even have any red sprinkles in the house........ I know shocking, but I looked to make sure and nope, no red. There is pink sprinkles from I don't know when in the back of the spice rack. I don't sit down and do a Valentine's craft with the kids either. This part kinda makes me sad that I don't. I should, I should make Miss A and Little B make something for Daddy. I do crafts all the time with them, so I don't know why I've never done a Valentine's craft, ever. Miss A makes pictures and Big B takes them to work or we hang them here at the house. My point is, shouldn't the kids know that love is shown everyday? I feel that putting this pressure on everyone to show your love on a particular day, makes you feel awful if you don't live up to the other persons expectations.

Even though we don't do anything organized for each other on the 14th of February, doesn't mean nothing gets exchanged. I woke up this morning to Miss A who gave me a piece of computer paper with stick figures drawn on it and a ton of little beads glued to the paper. She crawled up into bed with me in her Little Mermaid PJ's and said "Mom, I made this for you. It's because you love my fancy self." My heart melted. I currently have the masterpiece hung up on the fridge, the place of "high honor" in our house. What she was saying to me this morning, early I might add, is that she feels loved everyday just for being her. Miss A dances and laughs and pretends to be a dog (thank you Disney Movie Club for Lady and the Tramp) and I still love her. Even in her rain boots and tutu and glittery purse. Even when she is acting crazy and wild and making me laugh. I love her simply because she is herself, exactly the way God made her.

It wasn't that long ago, when celebrating any holiday would send me into a state of depression. Being told that you have PCOS and being told that you had unexplained infertility, doesn't really lend yourself to the warm and fuzzy ,lovey feelings. It wasn't that long ago where I was in a doctor's office, being told what the next step in our infertility journey would be, one Valentine's Day. At those low and heartbreaking moments in our marriage, I didn't want a card from Big B, I wanted a partner. A wanted someone to be strong for me and love me and say "I know this will work out alright. I prayed to God for this." I wanted to be told that even if we never had another, that he was okay with the special Valentine God had given us. There are everyday moments burned in my mind of Miss A and her daddy, of watching them love each other and support each other, in the only mystifying way a little girl and her daddy can do.

Then last year, when we were told there was nothing more to be done, last Valentine's Day, I was carrying our little cupid. A tiny baby that fluttered for the first time on February 14, 2011 and I felt it. Then Little B was born and I felt so much love for him and some much fear. He was born 6 weeks early and was in the NICU. Once we brought him home, I felt such a feeling of love and responsibility to him.  My children and my husband have become my Valentine gifts. They bring me joy and sorrow, laughter and frustration. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually cut out to be their mother, friend, teacher, cheerleader and disciplinarian.  I wonder sometimes how I come across to my husband and try and work on a better way to show my appreciation and love for him.

 You see to this women, Valentine's Day holds no weight, no value. We show our love for each other all year long, everyday, in little ways. We grow as a family and live as a unit. We make mistakes, we hurt each others feelings but we also apologize and build each other up. Big B and I try as parents to instill in our kids the feelings of self worth and self esteem. We pray for our children, pray over our children and pray over our marriage. We are not perfect, far from it. Instead we love the fact that neither one expects the moon and stars, so it is such a blessing when we see them. 

As I sit and listen to Miss A making Little B laugh, I am reminded how to spend a lovely Valentine's Day. We will cook dinner tonight, there will be no heart shaped anything, and we will laugh and talk and be a family. Later, I'm sure we will watch a movie (Finding Nemo for the millionth time) and I will nurse Little B. We will celebrate the fact Little B is learning to roll to where he wants and grasps objects with ease.

 This will be the best Valentines Day ever, simply because we are together.

Mama Jelly

Crafty Day

I just love Pinterest for so many many many reasons. (sigh) My boards are full of sewing projects, homeschool information, "Cool Mommy Clothes" (coincidentally, I will have to find a cool mommy to wear all the clothes I have pinned. Working on it) and craft projects. Craft projects are my life line, my blood. I am never more whole than when I am crafting something, especially if it involves a toilet paper roll, Mod Podge or mason jar. When I'm stressed out or upset, something about the smell of a glue gun heating up makes me feel so much better. This trait has been passed onto my daughter in a big way. Every morning she wakes up, makes her way to my bedroom and after morning snuggles and kisses and laughter says "So mom, what are we making today." It is nothing for Big B to come home to a kitchen table covered in glue and glitter (Miss A lives and breathes glitters) and pipe cleaners. I am also the expert on removing said crafting "joy" from most surfaces. Hummm future blog post? Perhaps.

On this day I became ambitious and decided to tackle 3 craft projects. Yes, I love to craft. One of the reasons I love Pinterest so much is all of the ideas for crafting with your kids. It has everything from toilet paper and egg carton projects (This Dragon or these Flowers from egg cartons and these pumpkins from toilet paper rolls.) to painting and even how to display your children's masterpieces. I personally love this book where you can keep your little ones' art for years to come.

I got the idea this morning to reuse some of the junk... err.. I mean amazingly wonderful found objects from around the house. Being that we just moved and have been unpacking boxes..... Well okay, we moved a year ago but in our defence, I was on bedrest from 17 weeks until Little B came at 34.2weeks and then, well life with a newborn isn't really conducive to cleaning. Anyway, getting back to crafting, so I had these amazing items I was just going to throw into the trash.

 I grabbed the "Craft Box of Wonder" and some bubble wrap and hit my favorite site, Pinterest. Side note: I sure wish I could get a job pinning things. I'm seriously a pro! Any who, I plugged in "bubble wrap" into the search feature and voila!!! Instant project! WHOOP!

I pulled up this project and away we went. I knew that Miss A wouldn't be occupied for long with one project, so I typed in a random word "octopus" and came up with this cute pie project. I'm totally hooked now! So I dive into the Craft Box of Wonder, and pull out the items needed for said projects.

Items needed:

Paint

Brushes

Google Eyes/Puff Balls/Glitter Paint

Tape

Pipe cleaners

Construction paper

We started with the Bubble wrap picture. I was going to let Miss A just paint with the bubble wrap:

But she hit a creative streak and well, you just can't crush creativity.

The final I think is amazing. It sure speaks to me.... or at least it will until she wants to make another one.

So we set the bubble wrap artwork to the side to dry and then started on the Alligator or Crocodile, whichever. I first wrapped up the wrap in a "alligator" shape and had Miss A paint it.

While Miss A works on her alligator, I let Little B explore his inner painter

Of course he LOVED playing in the water, and then tipped it over and splashed in the puddle. Yes, he is a boy after all

By now her alligator is all painted and she is rather proud

We added foam feet to the bottom, but she decided to forgo the red stripe. She took artistic license with this piece.

We set that aside to dry as well since it's too hard to glue on eyes with wet paint. We moved on to the Octopus. I didn't have any toilet paper rolls on hand (GASP!!) so, this mommy in her cleverness, cut a paper towel roll in half. TA-DA!

I cut 8 slits into the bottom of the half of the roll and then let Miss A lose with her paint brush again.

I also let Little B lose with his brush and some water.

This little artist had enough of the critics and their mumbo jumbo and demanded a nap time to recoup and continue with this art at another time. Mommy "clap clap" nap time!!

Meanwhile, Miss A curled up the legs on her octopus and since she is such a loving big sister, on Little B's as well.

Miss A then, once the whole tube was painted, let it dry as well and decided this would be a great time to do some school work.

After both projects were nice and dry, we then glued on the eyes, and the mouth and of course no project is complete without glitter.

All in all, I think it was a nice and lovely morning spent channeling our inner artists.

Jelly Mama